interruptions are god's moments

he came in two days ago with a heavy looking backpack - into the warm out of the cold. stuck his face through the door, walked in grinning, saying:

"what? i don't get a hug after all that time? gimme a hug!"

and just came right up like a prodigal son without any regrets...i got up, ripping my brain out of the pile of papers i was trying to conquer, another interruption - and embraced him, he smelled of fresh air. but in my head echoed the cussword he had uttered when talking to my colleague on the phone earlier. and my heart was not there to give him the hug.
i was measuring the seen and spoken and holding it against him inside.
i was not focusing on the unseen.

...until today - another two days later.

today i know he deserved my heart to be there, the welcome despite his spoken profanity. and i feel ashamed of the failure to live out what god's grace really means:
welcome.

no matter the spoken fu's (and others), the laziness to find a job (or is it not?), the frequent desperate phone calls that seem to be directionless and annoying, the repetitiveness of personal issues, all the pretence...at first.

i am saddened about having to be reminded by god about this kids' merciless past, so my willingness to act out in grace kicks in -

and at the same time am thankful for his vast heart - and how we can start new each day, hour, minute.
and how it happens that my heart joins what i believe and my eyes catch a glimpse of what god sees.