memorial

i've been thinking a lot.
these past weeks jim has been waiting with his family
for his mom to cross the jordan,
he joked around when she lived through her own planned memorial service.
but she did go home two nights later.
what a cool name: billie lou.
the memorial service was very beautiful and traditional.
and very untraditional preaching: embracing the sadness and the joy of this beloved person finally getting a turn with God.
as in: it now being her turn to really going home.
so deeply beautiful.
and i sit there and i feel the mystery and awe of this thing called death.
how it draws out pain and joy in the same moment: the loss and the hope finalized is very powerful.

i am so honored to work for a man who i have seen in pain, be so openly vulnerable and depend on the people around him. there might not be anything more beautiful about a man. i am grateful that he is our boss and friend.

sitting in the car driving back brad and me talk about the deep loneliness everyone feels so often, how we wish our funerals will be this real, full of sadness and joy and good memories - and this hope; and how this final human existence puts the petty things about our jobs into perspective.
AND: how much i want to treasure the people i love and leave the petty things to be petty and unimportant.

Fight the fights that are worth fighting.

averted

half of life feels to me like we remind ourselves
of our beliefs
our rights
our sorrows
how God really is
the deal behind the scenes
our hopes

and i find myself in a fight to hold on to
what i know
digging around for it in the crap piled on top
trying to look behind the glasses
that hide the window
thinking myself through the rubble
of judgement, giving up on what is right
and the fog created by the demon of non-compassion.