sometimes i feel like a tired stranger in a strange land.



anyone else?


just a little lost with


who i am


outside versus inside

as a mother

as a wife

as who i want to be versus who i act like i am


sometimes.

remember

it's good to know that jesus doesn't want us to beat ourselves up, that it's not about condemnation: it's about conviction, my friend. An empowering, more clear headed realization of where I am at - and one that gives me deep joy and room to grow with help. i remember not to focus on my sin, but to face it, have it shone on by Jesus and then accept humbly the forgiveness through my repentance. and hold on to the fact that i am forgiven no matter what. i remember to not build barriers to not feel the pain, but to believe and embrace with all arms a life fuller than what i imagine and settle for. and to fight for that in small things. cause He has given it all, i can at least just open my hands and let go of what i want to protect or hide inside them. and now i never have to be owned by shame, guilt or pain. that's a load off. worshipping with a big family is so so glorious. ...you see...we're all broken, not just you. it's good to be where the ground is level for all.

"come to me all you who are thirsty - and I will give you rest." the bible

guests gone, putting my soul and feet up with a friend is truly rest.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwhPdC1HZos

...mercy...

"For I was hungry, while you had all you needed. I was thirsty, but you drank bottled water. I was a stranger, and you wanted me deported. I needed clothes, but you needed more clothes. I was sick, and you pointed out the behaviors that led to my sickness. I was in prison, and you said I was getting what I deserved...whatever you have done to the least of these, you've done it to Me." Matthew 25 according to Richard Stearns, President of World Vision

Yes. Yes. Yes!
Oh, Lord, I am so often so wrapped up in myself.
Help me.
Have mercy.

Thank you for the peace that pure innocent life brings.

VENGEANCE

What is the difference between justice and vengeance?

J: “the administering of deserved punishment or reward; the administration of what is just according to law,”

V: “the infliction of injury, harm, or humiliation in return for an injury or offense.”

What power do we get by taking vengeance?

What does that power we get back do to us?

What ever makes us want to change or be better?

Is it judgement or extended grace?

God never said it would be easy - this life - and doing things that are against how we choose to want to redeem ourselves,

but he said he would be with us forever.

And carry us.

It depends if you want to lay down the pride of thinking you can do it all

and be carried through the dark times.

What follows justice is very likely reconciliation, what follows venegance is most likely more hate, more humiliation, more pain. Reminds me of what happened in South Africa after Apartheid:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Truth_and_Reconciliation_Commission_(South_Africa)

...and what is happening in Rwanda.

9 Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. 10 Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. 11 Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. 12 Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. 13 When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. 15 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!

17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

19 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,

“I will take revenge;

I will pay them back,”

says the Lord.

20 Instead,

“If your enemies are hungry, feed them.

If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap

burning coals of shame on their heads.”

21 Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

Romans 12

It'll take faith and courage.